MOBILE PUMPKINING SERVICE

"I'll-a give 'im a WHAMMY!"

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ABOUT THE MADAME

Madame Vendetta was born and raised in the mountains of Sicily. There she learned many fine arts that included cooking, painting horse carts, dress designing and winemaking. She became an avid gardener specializing in gourds and melons, and grew a fine crop of grapes. She helped support her family with the wine sales, resulting in the growth of her popularity and fortunes, despite the rampant poverty and oppression of women in Sicilian society.

She moved to the U.S. with her family in 1965, where she entered the University of Iowa to study clinical psychology. While attending university, she discovered a particular interest in women's issues pertaining to divorce and infidelity. She realized that among these suffering women, there was a great need for revenge, and it seemed appropriate that she create a service to help them. Madame Vendetta's Mobile Pumpkining Service was born.

Madame Vendetta decided to use her abundant crop of pumpkins in various states of decay to help these women. She had a special trebuchet designed by university engineers to fit discreetly within the hood of her 1969 VW Beetle. This one-of-a-kind machine has the ability to quickly and quietly launch a 15 pound pumpkin approximately 300 yards with the push of a button on the Beetle's instrument panel. The launch distance and height is completely adjustable, and Madame Vendetta can guarantee target accuracy.

(The Madame has asked that photos of this amazing and valuable machine not be provided here, as she wishes to keep its design a secret. But here is a photo of her precious Beetle, back in the "good ol'a days.")

Special circumstances may require the use of a helicopter to bring an overly large pumpkin to its target. Madame Vendetta hires only the best helicopter pilots and ensures the safety of all concerned. See below for a unique perspective of how this operation works!

TESTIMONIALS & SPECIAL ORDERS:

"I never thought I'd enlist a service like this one, but I am so glad I did. The Madame was so wonderful to work with, and she took care of my deceitful ex-husband to the 'T'... or should I say 'P' "... --- Margaret M.

"My former boss didn't know what hit him. It was the most satisfying, especially in that Madame Vendetta allowed me to sit in the backseat and watch it all come down. Wow!" -- Teresa P.

"It was an amazing onslaught of putrid color when it hit! My ex's front porch was a total war zone!" --- Barbara W.

"I just couldn't believe Madame Vendetta even existed! She was so gracious and helpful, as I decided on what pumpkin I wanted. Plus, she helped counsel me so that I had no self-doubt at all as I watched the slimy pumpkin land square on the hood of my ex's fat ass Hummer!" --- Sandy S.

"There are too many choices; can Madame help me decide? As a former Rite Aid employee, I have an idea for the worst corporation on earth. Can you drop the World's Largest Pumpkin filled with some s*** from each current and former Rite Aid employee in the nation and drop it on the Rite Aid headquarters in Pennsylvania? They s*** on us everyday, why can't we s*** on them one day per year?" --- Hannah A.

The Madame efficiently took care of Hannah's request! Madame Vendetta took this fantastic photo of this special delivery to the Rite Aid headquarters. She said, "So sad, the batteries died in my-a camera so I only got-a one photo! It wuz a great pleasure, my bambina!! Amore..."

 

 

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